


BEING REWRITTEN AS OF 11/21/2020

by Sasha_Stark (orphan_account)



Series: Nothing hurts like Thinkin' I'm not good enough [1]
Category: Endgame - Marvel, Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anxiety, Blood injury and violence, Collaboration, Depressed Peter Parker, Depression, F/M, Gen, Gun Violence, How do you tag? idk, Hurt Peter Parker, Ill add more as I go I think, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-Con (Past), Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, My best friend is Miles hes my beta and collaborator but doesnt have Ao3 sad, Non-Graphic Violence, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Peter Parker Has Anxiety, Peter Parker Needs a Break, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Precious Peter Parker, Sad Peter Parker, Sedated - Freeform, Self-Blame, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Therapy, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark survives Endgame, We wrote this at like 3 AM don't judge, Worried Pepper Potts, Worried Tony Stark, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:35:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25112485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Sasha_Stark
Summary: THANK YOU so much for 2000+ hits! I appreciate it more then you'll ever know! I never expected me and my friend's collab to get so much attention!ON HIATUS----------After the Blip, things change. Almost everything changes and Peter, well, he doesn’t do well with it. He tries but trying doesn’t always mean success.----------Or, Post Endgame everyone lives and peter feels left out basically(with a little Bucky Peter friendship thrown in there)----------Title from 'White blood' by 'Oh Wonder'
Relationships: Happy Hogan/May Parker (Spider-Man), Morgan Stark & Tony Stark, Pepper Potts & Morgan Stark, Pepper Potts & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe) & Tony Stark, Tony Stark/Pepper Potts
Series: Nothing hurts like Thinkin' I'm not good enough [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1834288
Comments: 14
Kudos: 88





	1. It's Not Always Happy In My Head

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING(S): Minor Depressive Thoughts and sad peter in general 
> 
> (These Trigger warnings only pertain to this chapter)
> 
> So idfk what this is me and my best friend did this at like 3 am with no sleep (Hes great btw) 
> 
> this chapter isnt that heavy just be careful some chapters may have some heavy shit
> 
> (Beta: [Kilometersbuttrans](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kilometersbuttrans/pseuds/kilometersbuttrans)

After the ‘Blip’ (as people are calling it, he doesn't like it but what can you do?) Peter’s felt- out of place? Left out? He doesn’t know, it's just not the same. He hasn't talked to Mr. Stark in months besides the sparse _ ‘How are you?’  _ texts and  _ ‘How’s school?’.  _

It’s weird because he's talked to Happy more than Mr. Stark _(he keeps telling himself it isn't his fault he has a real family now),_ as he lives with him in his apartment now- has he said that yet? Because apparently May and him are together now, yes that together!

For May its been nearly seven years since Ben died, but for him its only been  _ two years,  _ a fresh wound still healing, but he can’t make May feel bad, it’s not her fault, she had to move on; it was only healthy _. _

_ (Doesn't mean he has to like it though.) _

__ He’s selfish, he knows that, but is it so wrong to wanna have normal again? The normal he’s used to, not this new and weird life  _ (if he actually paid attention in literature class he’d know more words then  _ ‘weird’ _ ).  _ He just wants May to hold him again, to watch movies on the couch after a rough patrol, alas, she’s busy with  _ dates  _ with Happy  _ (still weird to think about);  _ doesn't mean he never sees Aunt May, it’s just not nearly as much as he used to. They still have the rare movie night, but with Happy there now? It’s not horrible he just wishes he could have May to himself for a while.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by May giving his forehead a peck, spotting the unwanted cereal, she frowns looking at him, worry etched on her features. 

“You feeling okay baby? You haven’t eaten, usually you'd have eaten the whole box by now,”

May frowns, pressing the back of her hand against his forehead and neck sighing in relief when she feels a normal temperature. 

“Yeah I’m fine!” He’s quick to reassure her with a bright smile that he hopes looks convincing, but by the look on May’s face, she doesn't believe it and is about to call him out when Happy walks in tying his tie, “Go get your bag and shoes and meet me in the car.” The man says with a small smile which is  _ really  _ unusual considering Happy’s never, well, happy. Jumping off his stool, he jogged into his room, swiftly pulling on his shoes and backpack. 

School was horrible. Ned was sick and MJ was out of town, Sometimes he just wanted to fight back against the shoves and the insults but he can’t, he can take it, he’s  _ Spider-Man _ for God’s sake  _ (doesn’t mean it stops hurting after the hundredth time). _ If he can’t handle some shoves from a high school bully then how could he take a punch from a bank robber?

Usually he’d have Ned to distract him with Star Wars or Legos or MJ to tell him not to worry about it after she verbally destroyed Flash  _ (which was always a sight to see because he would be speechless after),  _ but they weren’t there and he was already feeling horrible because  _ nothing was the way he remembered _ . Sure, some of his class and decathlon mates were still there and so were a few of his teachers, but it wasn’t everyone and sometimes he’d mess up and feel  _ wrong _ . 

Then, after the long, stupid, horrible day at school, he gets home and Happy is there with May on the couch but May shouldn’t be there because normally she’d be at work and Happy  _ definitely  _ shouldn’t be there because he was head of security according to Mr. Stark. But they were there, on the couch, smiling and almost about to kiss until they saw him.

After an awkward silence and even more awkward small talk about school and work, they told him that they were getting married,  _ they were getting married. _ His  _ Aunt May _ was  _ getting married  _ to  _ Happy Hogan _ . Every time he said it, in his head, out loud, over text to Ned because he just  _ couldn’t (or maybe didn’t want to)  _ believe it, it felt wrong. More wrong than school felt. His first reaction  _ (or maybe third)  _ to hearing it was to put on the suit and swing away. 

It wasn’t that he was scared or hurt or felt betrayed  _ (because why should he feel betrayed? It’s not like he had a crush on May or Happy cause that would be gross) _ and it certainly wasn’t that he didn’t like the change that would come with them getting married. 

No, it certainly wasn’t the official title or possible changing of last names, he just needed some air. He just needed to patrol. He didn’t mean to stay out until the sun came up and he certainly hadn’t meant to get poked by a very sharp knife and pass out on a random rooftop and he certainly hadn’t meant to scare May or miss school. But it happened. It happened and Peter really didn’t like what happened next. 


	2. God Knows I Lied

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Worried Tony and Dr. Cho comes in...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWS IN THE END NOTES  
> \-----  
> Someone bookmarked our story? Me and Miles almost CRIED when we saw that! Thank you!<3 and this chapter is WAY longer then the last one, which was only around 800 words this one is 1863 words! Not as good as others but we tried our best! Enjoy

Slowly, really slowly, he woke up. He woke up and heard beeping, not annoying alarm clock beeping but steady beeping. There was also a smell, a smell that he normally wouldn’t like but he remembered it, it was annoyingly strong but it also just had that something that made it nice and comforting. The more conscious he became, the more he heard. 

“I was working on a laptop when I got that call from Aunt Hottie,” he heard Mr. Stark quietly huff as he played with his hair. “You’re gonna give me a heart attack, Kid.”

Peter had to force himself to keep his eyes closed when he heard that because why was Mr. Stark here? Where was here? What call was he talking about? 

“You had us all worried. I even had Natashlie and Guyliner looking for you,” his voice sounded rough like he hasn’t used it in awhile, but why? Why did they have to look for him? What happened?

He was getting frustrated,  _ why couldn't he remember?  _ Peeping an eye open he saw Mr. Stark looking at his phone, Peter took his time eyeing him, he looked ruffled, like he hadn't showered or changed in a while. It was concerning. Not just because Mr. Stark was practically his father and he worried about him but because he was just on patrol and he couldn’t remember what happened and now he was here  _ (wherever here was) _ with Mr. Stark and he just  _ didn’t know why. _

“Pete? Are you up now?” Peter bit back a groan at being caught, but instead of saying yes, he nodded and looked up at Mr. Stark and he looked more than ruffled. He looked scared and worried and concerned and that made him so much more confused because he didn’t know  _ why _ . His first time actually seeing Mr. Stark and he was spending most of it confused, it felt wrong, not wrong like May and Happy getting married but wrong like school. 

“What happened?” He croaked, wincing when he heard himself. 

Mr. Stark took a deep breath “You were, uhm,” he cleared his throat, looking anywhere but at Peter.

“Stabbed, punctured stomach, a bruised kidney and spleen, and usually that’d be healed already but your healing factor slowed down due to malnourishment,” he said pursing his lips. “Why haven’t you been eating Peter?” He looked at him now.

Peter opened and closed his mouth a few times. What could he say? He just hadn’t felt hungry anymore? That’d sure worry him. He forgot? Nope, wouldn't work.

“Where am I?” He avoided the question, hoping Mr. Stark would let it go, but  _ lucky him, _ he didn’t. He wouldn’t be Tony Stark if he had. 

“Medbay and no deflecting, you know that's my thing, Kiddo.” Mr. Stark tried at a joke but it fell flat. “So, again, why aren’t you eating?” 

Peter licked his lips and turned away from Mr. Stark. How was he supposed to say that everything he’d eaten tasted like- tasted wrong. He didn’t have any words for it but wrong. It was wrong, almost everything was wrong and he absolutely despised it because  _ why did it all have to change? _ “Don’t know. Who found me?”

Mr. Stark shook his head, “Bucky did. And I know you know why you aren’t eating, Peter. I know you better than that and it’s written all over your face.”

“Mr. Stark, I-,” he bit his lip, he shouldn’t say anything. It wasn’t that bad, he could handle it. If he couldn’t handle this then how could he handle stopping a bus full of people from hitting someone. “It’s nothing. I’m fine! I don’t even hurt, I can go.”

He looked back at Mr. Stark and got  _ even more confused _ by the look of pain and what he thought was anger on his face. Why was he hurt? Why was he mad?  _ What was happening? _ “Peter,” he choked out, “Peter, you lost a lot of blood, you aren’t healing like you usually do because you aren’t fucking eating, I can use normal pain killers because your Spidey Healing isn’t working the way it should!” 

“Mr. Stark-.”

“Peter, I want to help you, I will always help you, you’re practically my son, just- just tell me what I need to do.”

“I’ve just been busy, Mr. Stark,” he lied. He knew he was lying and he felt terrible for it and he knew that he wasn’t and he hopes that Mr. Stark wouldn’t call him out on it. “You know, with school and learning where everything is and learning all the new teacher’s names and getting used to the noise and stuff. I’ve been too busy doing all that to eat. It was an accident.”

Mr. Stark looked like he didn’t believe him. He had that same look that he used to have whenever Peter told him that Ned totally didn’t ask him to ask if he could get him the new Star Wars Lego set, he just really wanted it and thought to ask him. It was the same look that he used to have when he came in with a stab wound or a bullet stuck in his body and tried to brush it off. But eventually, Mr. Stark just nodded, continuing to tap even faster on his phone and Peter wished that he could see what he was doing because if he was texting May then he was definitely going to be bugged about it and he really didn’t want to have to put his thoughts into words because all he was  _ ‘wrong’ _ and past that it would be hard to say anything. 

“Hey Pete.” Peter slowly looked up, instead of Mr. Stark, it was Bucky. But when did Bucky get there and when did Mr. Stark leave? “Pete?”

“Yeah?”

“You know you can always talk to me if not anyone else, right?” He quietly asked, “I get it.”

Peter purses his lips slightly, “What do you mean?”

“It feels wrong,” Bucky shrugged. “It’s not the same, something’s missing. Stuff just isn’t right. Like a piece of the puzzle was taken and a different piece was put in. The picture is almost there but that one piece changed it all.” Peter wanted to cry because that was exactly how it felt. Those were the words he was looking for. Those were the words that described everything that he was feeling and more and if only he knew how to say them from the beginning. But no, if he couldn’t handle this, how was he supposed to handle whatever new bad guy popped up? “I feel fine,” he insisted, “did Mr. Stark put you up to this?”

Bucky shook his head, “No. Just thought maybe that’s what was bothering you, putting you off food.” He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to say because that was right, Bucky was right, but he couldn’t say that. He had to be able to handle it because if he didn’t how was he supposed to handle anything else? 

“I really am fine Mr. Bucky.” He smiled, not as bright as his old ones, but he could just chalk it up to being tired and on pain meds  _ (pain meds that shouldn’t work).  _ “I bet some doctor wants to see me,” he clenched his jaw, trying to end the conversation before he started crying. 

“I'll go get her,” Bucky said with a sigh, walking out of his room and leaving Peter alone to his thoughts again. 

_ (Which was never good.)  _

Would it really be so bad to tell them how he felt? They’d probably think he's selfish, why should he feel this way, he has everything and more! He even has his friends still  _ so why is he feeling this way?  _ He felt tears stinging his eyes blurring his vision. He tried  _ so hard _ to not let them fall, but they spilled over anyway, leaving a salty trail on his cheeks as they ran over his lips and chin. He didn't sob, just silently cried staring blankly at nothing.

He didn’t know how long he sat there crying before he came back to his senses to see Mr. Stark talking to the doctor in the hallway, quickly wiping his tears and rubbing his eyes, he pretended to be asleep 

_ (Forgetting that F.R.I.D.A.Y probably snitched on him the second he started crying because Mr. Stark was just Like That). _

He listened intently to them, but it was muffled, Mr. Stark probably walked farther away. He assumed Mr. Stark knew he was awake and listening, or at least just awake and was being cautious, but after awhile of hearing his muffled voice and heartbeat, he fell into a dreamless sleep. 

The next time he was awake and fully paying attention, he knew where he was, he was less confused, a little less scared and that feeling  _ (or was it a thought?) _ of wrong wasn’t as strong. He looked to his sides, Mr. Stark and Mr. Bucky were there, sleeping. They were there and sleeping and  _ what the heck _ ? 

He shifted in bed, making Bucky jolt awake his eyes landing on Peter 

"Oh, you're awake Peter!" He whisper shouted. 

"I should get Cho," and he was gone. 

With a sigh, Peter looked at Mr. Stark. He didn’t look much different if not more tired than before, the dark bags under his eyes were more prominent but asleep the worry lines were smooth and he looked as peaceful as he could considering Peter was in the medbay. He couldn’t help but be a little upset that this is the most he’s seen Mr. Stark since- since before. 

“Hi Peter,” Dr. Cho quietly greeted, “I’m Dr. Cho, you can call me Helen.”

Peter slowly moved his gaze from Mr. Stark to Dr. Helen, “Hi Dr. Helen, i- it’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too. Now, I hear that you have accelerated healing and normally it doesn’t take this long for it to work; can you explain it to me?” 

He swallowed past the lump in his throat, “Explain what?” he said quietly 

“Why your healing isn’t working as it should.” She said simply sitting on a small spin chair beside his bed _(y’know that one chair)_ , waiting patiently for his response 

“I’ve just been busy with school and stuff..” he mumbled clenching his jaw he  _ really _ did not want to talk about this again, it was hard enough to explain it to Mr. stark without breaking down how was he supposed to talk to her without crying? It was  _ impossible _ because lately anything can send him spiraling into a panic attack.

She made a noise of understanding trying to catch his eye 

“Well, the stab wound seems to be healing but I’ll need to change the bandages soon,” she said standing up quietly

“I’ll be back soon for the bandages get some rest” with one last look at him she left the room.

He tried shifting, wincing when his stitches pulled groaning he rubbed his eyes with his palms roughly pausing when he heard some  _ very familiar  _ footsteps…

Then Aunt may walked in,

_ Oh shit _ .

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Minor depressive thoughts, references to eating disorders unintentional, just sad shit  
> \-------------  
> Chapter title from 'God knows I tried' by 'Lana Del Ray'


	3. You Gotta Give Yourself A Moment, Let Your Body Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit gets revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the people who commented and gave kudos! it gives us the motivation to write no joke when you comment i feel like crying it makes my day  
> \-----------  
> The end isn't edited because its late and I wanna sleep but I'm not gonna sooo yay, this chapter is shorter than the last but I just wanted to post another one  
> \------------  
> TRIGGER WARNINGS IN END NOTES  
> \---------  
> Chapter title from 'Lose it', by 'Oh Wonder'

“-and THEN I GET I CALL THAT YOU WERE STABBED!? DID YOU EVEN  _ THINK _ !?” May lectured him while Mr. Stark cowered in a chair in the corner with Happy looking at Peter apologetically.

“May-,” he tries but is  _ once again _ cut off and at this point, it’s more than annoying. Her voice is too loud and his ears are starting to ring and he wants to explain but he doesn’t even know  _ himself.  _ “MAY!” That got her attention

She had a shocked look in her face and nearly began to yell again when she noticed the tears on his face, “May, I don’t even know what happened back there, honest. One second I was swinging around Queens and the next I’m here.”

“Dr. Cho and Tony told me that normally you’d be healed by now,” May slowly said, “why aren’t you?”

Peter nearly cried. He didn’t know what to say to her because if he said that he’d been too busy she’d call him out on not eating his ‘normal’ size at breakfast the other day and then Mr. Stark would know and if Mr. Stark knew he’d ask questions and he’d keep asking questions until got an honest answer and if he got the honest answer then- Peter honestly didn’t know what would be next but he didn’t want to find out, “I don’t know.”

May fixed her ‘you’re lying to me and I know it’ look on him, “Peter do not lie to me right now, not about this.”

“I don’t want to talk about this right now, I’m tired,” he swallowed pressing the ‘ _ Help _ ’ button on his bed. 

“Go please,” he mumbled, wiping harshly at his wet cheeks. Looking over at the two men who looked like they also wanted answers. 

“You too,” Peter said clenching his jaw tightly. 

Before anyone could talk again a sweet looking nurse in her mid - 40s with long caramel-coloured hair in a messy bun walked in “Hi Peter, I’m Elizabeth but you can call me Lizzy,” She said with a small smile.

“Anything I can help with?” She sat on a chair by his bed gazing over at the other occupants and back to the teen.

“Yes, can you show these people out? I’d like some rest,” he said, fiddling with the hospital blanket that was draped lazily over him.

At those words, May turned distressed and Mr. Stark looked like he wants to object but instead pursed his lips and walked out looking tense. Happy latched onto May’s arm, whispering something he didn't try to pick up on. 

“Well, you heard him,” she said standing up, “I’ll be back soon, Peter, for lunch then you can rest,” she said smiling while walking out with a teary-eyed May.

Looking at the ceiling, he let out the emotions he's been bottling up free in loud sobs that racked his body and made it hard to breathe. And then he felt like he wasn’t breathing and memories of being stuck under a building or being pulled apart and put back together came flooding back and the sobbing got harder and he just  _ couldn’t breathe. _

_ He felt  _ like he’d been sitting there for hours when someone came in, he couldn’t hear who it was at first because his heartbeat was so loud and it felt like there was a ringing in his ears and it hurt in a way that he couldn’t describe. “Come on, Pete, you’re doing so good, slow breaths, follow me.”

“It hurts so bad,” he whimpered. He didn’t mean to say it but apparently his mouth and brain had disconnected. “It hurts, Mr. Stark.”

“I know bud, but you gotta breathe, okay? Just follow me, you got it, in and out, there you go,” Mr. Stark answered. He continued to talk and coach Peter through until his breathing had slowed and he was calm, “Alright Kid, talk to me. What happened?”

Peter cursed himself in his head as he wiped his face, “I- I don’t- it’s nothing, I was just- it’s nothing. I’m fine.” 

Mr. Stark’s entire face changed. He looked like he was done with something, probably Peter, now that he was thinking about it, “Alright Kid, I can’t do this anymore. I can tell that something’s bothering you and it’s more than school or whatever else you’re gonna come with. I want to help you, Peter, but you aren’t giving me what I need to do that.”

And he nearly started crying again, “Really, Mr. Stark, it was nothing, I was being stupid.” He hopes and wishes and prayed that Mr. Stark would accept the answer, no matter how stupid and dumb and unoriginal it was. Instead of the smile, shake of the head and soft sigh that he was hoping for, he got crossed arms and a glare with pursed lips and  _ good grief why was he so weepy? _

“Peter Parker,” Mr. Stark huffed, “if it caused a panic attack, it wasn’t ‘nothing’ and it wasn’t ‘stupid’. It hurt you and I want to make it stop, help me make it stop, Peter.”

“Why do you care?” He snapped, immediately regretting it because he just snapped at  _ Tony Stark _ , the man that  _ saved him _ , that saved the  _ world  _ because of  _ him _ . He wanted to bury his face in his hands to hide the tears that he felt welling up but settled on crossing his arms and balling his fists, not looking at Mr. Stark but the blanket covering his legs. 

“I care because you mean a lot to me,” Mr. Stark quietly said after an awkwardly long silence. “You’re like a son to me and I love you and I get that I don’t say it much and I haven’t made it seem like it but I wanted to give you time t-.”

“It all feels wrong, Mr. Stark,” he said, his mouth moving faster than his brain. “It feels wrong and nothing is the same and the things that are the same feel out of place and I j- I don’t know what I’m doing here, Mr. Stark I can’t do it anymore everything's different Mays getting married you have a family and nothings the same!” he covered his mouth with his hand his eyes wide and full of unshed tears he  _ did not _ mean to say that and by the look of shock on Mr. Starks face he too wasn’t prepared for that 

He would have a lot of explaining...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWS: (Only to this chapter) Panic attacks, crying, minor depressive thoughts


	4. Heavy the water as I sink below

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> haha, I'm so sorry...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for commenting and giving kudos! It really helps us! <3   
> \------  
> PLEASE read the TW in the endnotes don't read if it can trigger you! Your mental health is more important!

He didn’t mean to say that. None of what he said was supposed to leave his brain and he blamed his mouth for blabbing because if he couldn’t keep that in, how was he supposed to stop himself from telling people he was Spider-Man?

“Pete-.” Peter wanted to cry. He wanted to cry and scream and- well, he didn’t know what else, but he wanted out. He wanted to leave. “Mr. Stark,” he quietly said, “please just go. I don’t- I can’t do this right now.”

Mr. Stark took his hand and pressed a kiss to it, “I know that it hurt to admit that,” he said gently, holding his hand in his calloused one, “but you can’t bottle this up.” The man continued lowering himself so he was eye to eye with Peter. He had this  _ look _ on his face that Peter had never seen directed at him by the man before, only ever to Morgan on movie nights and ice cream trips and it was pointed towards  _ him _ . 

It was overwhelming, to say the least, and he just wanted to cry again ( _ he’s been doing that a lot lately, he realized _ ). “Please, Mr. Stark, can you leave this alone?” He pleaded barely above a whisper, tears stinging his eyes  _ again _ . He thought it’d get easier but it just gets harder and  _ harder  _ every time the world brings him down and he just wants to give up and be at peace just sleep and never wake up.

“-ter! Peter!” Mr. Stark yelled louder, shaking Peter gently, “With me now, bud?” he asked, sounding- scared? No, that can’t be right. Why would Mr. Stark be scared? “Kid, did you not hear what you just said? You said you wanted to give up, t- to sleep and not wake up aga- Pete, you need to talk to me, Kid, tell me how I can help you.” Well, he couldn't talk about  _ this _ that would be bad so he’ll just ignore Mr. Stark right? He’ll leave eventually and it's better than having to explain.

Peter turned over so he was looking away from the man, curling up so his knees were to his chest and his thin arms were around them tightly tears burning the back of his throat. He heard Mr. Stark talking to him but he ignored him, he kept his eyes tightly shut and recited the periodic table in his head until Mr. Stark was gone or he fell asleep. 

The next morning, he turned, thinking that Mr. Stark had left but he nearly groaned when he saw that Mr. Stark had fallen asleep in the stupid chair right beside his bed. Why couldn’t he just leave and let him be alone? Why did people have to care for him? It was frustrating.

“Peter? Baby?” Aunt May.  _ Aunt May _ was here now and how was he supposed to ignore  _ May?  _ “Come on, please, tell me what’s wrong; at least tell me if not Tony, Baby, please?”

“May, I’m fine, it’s nothing,” he weakly tried. It was hard, so hard, to lie to May because May was all he had and he was all May had and may knew when he was lying and he just wanted everyone to  _ stop _ .

“Baby.” Peter kept his eyes off of May. “Aunt May, please leave.” And she did, she woke Mr. Stark up and they left. They  _ actually left _ and he felt lighter but so much heavier and was that even possible? And the second he nearly began to cry, Mr. Rogers walked in. “Mr. Rogers, please go.”

“Peter, all of us are worried about you. We’re worried about a fellow Avenger-.”

“You’re only worried about an Avenger, not me,” Peter harshly said, “you’ve made it clear. You can go.”

“Peter-.”

“Please just go.” And he did. Just like that, he left. But the door closed and opened again and good grief why couldn’t they leave him alone? “Mr. Rogers-.”

“Actually, it’s Natasha,” she laughed, “I wanted to check in on my favorite spider.”

“I’m the only other spider on the team,” Peter dryly said, “and I don’t want to talk so you can just go back to wherever.”

“See Pete, here’s the thing, I like you too much. We don’t have to talk about what’s bothering you. We can talk about Spi-.”

“No thanks, you can go now, please,” he interrupted. She left and Wanda walked in. “I’m not talking.” And she left. Almost every Avenger walked in, the only one left was Bucky.

“I brought some food, don’t think you wanna be here that long. Food helps right?” He calmly said, putting a tray full of food on his table as he sat down. 

Peter pushed the table away, feeling nauseous just from the smell, “I’m fine, Bucky-.”

“No you aren’t, you’re trying to adjust to an entirely new time, this is five years later, you feel out of place, I get that.”

“No you-.”

“I was in World War Two, Pete,” Bucky chuckled, “after that, I was constantly brainwashed. I get it, Pete, really.”

“Okay, sure, you get it, but you had Steve with you-.”

“But sometimes I didn’t,” Bucky shrugged, “and sometimes when I did, everything still felt wrong. Bananas, for one, apples for another. Even now things still feel wrong. I got snapped too, Pete, I understand more than think.”

“You’re telling me that you felt yourself getting pulled apart and stitched back together?” Peter snapped, sitting up to face Bucky, “You felt your body giving up? You remember being in the stone? You have to go to school and see the same people at school, some aged and some exactly the same? You get lost going home? Your aunt is getting married to your mentor’s bodyguard? You have to deal with a bully that constantly brings up the fact that you’re the reason that everyone you love has died?” 

“Peter,” Bucky whispered, tears in his eyes as Peter broke down and screamed and cried and no matter what he did or said it wouldn’t stop and he hated that he had to call in Tony and Helen. 

Tony cried when he saw Peter, he had seen him in so many different situations and the one he was in now wasn’t one that ever wanted to have to experience. His son- mentee was screaming and crying and not responding to anything and Helen had to sedate him. It was  _ heartbreaking  _ to see him so distraught and he couldn’t help him. He couldn’t help  _ again. _ “I’m sorry,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to Peter’s hand.

“I’m so sorry.” he knew he would do anything to make Peter happy again.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW(Trigger warnings): Severe panic attack/Mental breakdown, Depressive thoughts, a scene that could be seen as dissociation, Suicidal ideation


	5. Smile even though you're sad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SOOOO sorry for not posting I forgot my laptop charger at my grandmas house and havent been able to get it until now and I couldnt post on anything else because i wasnt home and im also sorry this is short i had Miles whip something up to post
> 
> QUESTION: Would yall like longer chapters or shorter chapters? if you want longer youll have to wait longer shorter we can get out in a few days, comment and let me know

“P- Peter?” Mr. Stark stuttered, sitting up and scooting closer, “Peter? Y- you awake?”

“I didn’t mean to say all that,” Peter quietly said, “I wasn’t supposed to say any of that. If I can’t deal with my emotions as Peter, how can I deal with my emotions as Spider-Man?”

Mr. Stark looked horrified at that; how could sweet precious Peter not see his worth? The same boy that was always bouncing around with a big smile and sparkling eyes and kind words for practically everyone didn’t know that-, “Pete, you can ask for help dealing with whatever. Asking for help is the hardest thing, sure, but that’s how you get stronger, Kid.”

“You don’t ask for help.” And that’s when he realized that he’d messed up one of the biggest lessons you could ever teach someone. He’d never asked for help around Peter and now Peter thinks that  _ he can’t ask for help.  _

“Oh, Peter,” he whispered, “I might not ask for help a lot around you, but, Pete, trust me when I say that I’m always asking Pep or Happy or Rhodey for help on one thing or another. Even Bruce sometimes.”

Peter slowly looked at Tony, “I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore, Mr. Stark. Pretending used to help me b- but now it’s just confusing me even more. And almost nothing on the streets is the same as it was five years ago, it’s throwing me off my rhythm,” he weakly laughed at his own joke before sighing. “And it’s changing my appetite too. None of the food tastes right.”

“If I knew how to fix that, I would,” Mr. Stark chuckled, “but I can fix almost everything else if you let me.”

“Uh, how?”

“Well, I have this great therapist,” he shrugged, “she helps almost all of the Avengers. Hero work doesn’t come without PTSD, anxiety, trauma, something or other. Happens to the best of us, really.”

“Even you?” Peter nervously asked.

Mr. Stark gave him a weak smile, “Especially me.”

“You aren’t just saying this to make me feel better, are you?” He weakly joked.

Mr. Stark chuckled and shook his head, “No, I wish I was. My hero origin story wasn’t fun, that wormhole sure wasn’t, Ultron’s beginning was a literal nightmare,” he huffed a little and shook his head, “I don’t want you to make my mistakes, remember that grey area?”

“Yeah.”

“This is part of it, Pete.”


	6. PLEASE READ.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please read

Hello! I'm sorry this isn't an update but I have some sad news.

Me and Miles (At this moment) won't be updating this story we have new projects and we just lost motivation, in general, thank you all who took your time to read and comment/give kudos it makes me and Miles so happy. We may come back and finish this at some point but as of now we don't see us continuing this in the near future.

* * *

Best Regards,

Miles & Sasha


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